What remains? (Proverbs 31:30 & 31)

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. (Proverbs 31:30, 31 NLT)

When I am honest....I have no idea if I could ever measure up to the Proverbs 31 woman.  My knee jerk reaction is to be snarky about her...mostly because it may be the only way I can feel like I could even be in the room with her...and it helps me realize that my snark is a defense when I feel inadequate...well at least sometimes it is....and oooo...that feels a little ugly to realize that I'm using it to bring someone down in order to feel better about myself.  YUCK.  That is just nasty.  Now...if I put on my how can I look at this from another perspective hat...maybe I feel inadequte because I don't extend enough grace to myself....that I am viewing myself through eyes that aren't forgiving or loving...eyes that find fault with myself...and may I say...Yuck to that as well.  Maybe the perfection of the Proverbs 31 woman is not how I would describe me...but I think there are amazing ways my family would describe me that may be more than I could ever dream or imagine.  I don't say that to sound conceited...I say it based on things my family has said to me...my girls telling me how much they miss (when I went back to work) the way I greeted them when they came in the house...that they could feel my excitement to see them.  A poem Evie wrote for me that talked about silly little details like a trip to Target when we were goofy together, nice things Bill says when I'm being particularly hard on myself...there are unique contributions that I bring to my family that they love and they love me for sharing that with them.  That is amazing...and it means the world to me.  But it comes from love for each other...this love will not fade...nor will God's love fade for us.  It is through our respect or fear of The Lord and his sacrificial love for us and our response to that love that can allow us to love ourselves and others in our lives that in a way that honors God.

Lord let me respond to your love by caring for those you've put in my life in a way that honors you.  Amen.

Mrs. Golden drinks a little (Titus 2:3)

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. (Titus 2:3 NLT)

Dah gone it...at 48 can I deny I'm one of the older women?  At least with a straight face....well probably not.  So I can't be a heavy drinker either...emphasis on "heavy"...(smile)

But we also have a responsibility to teach...that is not something to be taken lightly....the rest of the surrounding verse and the devotional materials for today's passage talk about needing to be intentional in our love for our husbands....being intentional is the best way to not take something so important for granted.  However, if I'm totally honest...I get a little cranky that things aren't "effortless"  I want things to be easy peasy...but that isn't a true reflection of life...and at when we seem to live at such a break neck speed, if we don't "intend" to do something it really is all to easy to let it slip away...even if it was very important to us at one time.  When I make an effort to blunt a criticism or try to think about what the other person may have been thinking or feeling when they didn't do something the way I wanted done...I'm much more likely to extend grace to my child or my husband....and you know the funny thing...then I find it that much easier to extend grace to myself.

P.S.  the title of the post is a reference to a play (Miss Reardon drinks a little) that I did an Oral Interp piece from when I was a junior in high school

Who has the bigger sacrifice? (Ephesians 5:22, 23, 28, 29)

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. (Ephesians 5:22, 23 NLT)

In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. (Ephesians 5:28, 29 NLT)

I've always found this set of passages ironic...if that's the right term. Everyone gets all fired up about this little word "submit" that wives need to do...but when you continue on...I really think the guys get the tougher assignment...Husbands need to be willing to give up his life for his wife....or as in this translation....love and care for his wife as Christ did for the church...tall orders if you ask me.  And I have to say....someone who is gonna love me like that....I have no qualms trusting them with my submission.

What role do you play? (Genesis 3:6)

The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. (Genesis 3:6 NLT)

It is a little troubling how simple this account is of the first sin...but sin can certainly be like that...over so quick you barely realize you were falling.  And how easy it was to bring someone else along for the ride...how do I use my influence with my husband?  There are times I know I can "get my way" if I really want...I can take advantage of his love and trust in me....it's not to my advantage...and it could damage our relationship in the long run.  Is it worth that?  But I don't always remember to think long term.  This is also true with my relationship with God....well not that it's easy to manipulate God exactly....but it is way too easy to take His infinite love for granted...we don't deserve...we didn't earn it...but that doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to deepen the relationship.

Lord, help me remember to look for your will in my decisions and choices for my life.  Help me continue to love my husband in a way that honors him and you through my actions and choices.  Amen.

Set your mind (Colossians 3:2)

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. (Colossians 3:2 NIV)

Discipline our minds...Sometimes reminding myself to focus on things above helps refocus my attitude with a situation or a person here on earth.  Focusing on God helps put things back into place and gives  the petty annoyances the boot...I know can get myself in what seems like a never ending loop of frustration and negativity...yuck...for me and those around me.  When I take my eyes off of me...and put my mind on God...it helps me surrender the yuck and lets God soften my heart so that I can start to love again...instead of being a crab.

Lord help me to keep my mind on the things above...help me see this world through your eyes...help me see opportunity instead of inconvenience and irritation.  Amen.

Take captive your thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5)

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

Take captive our thoughts....love that picture....really fail miserably at it tho.  I also am really beginning to understand the idea of a wedge.  I've seen them at work and understand the principle...but when I think (ha) about my thoughts...and trying to take them captive....or thinking on the things of God...it isn't initially the big issues or big irritants that ge to me...it's the problem that starts as a little annoyance....and is allowed to expand...wedge-like to distract and erode our focus and dedication to God...and his desires for our life.  I think right now of a person I know....one I am struggling with to take captive my negative thoughts...it's hard.  And I really understand how changing those patterns have to be a concerted effort...it won't change without intention.

Lord help me take my thoughts captive...to harness them and guide them to how you would have me think and act to bring your love, grace and mercy into my life and the lives around me.  Amen.

Think on these things (Philippians 4:8)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Love this verse....totally gets to the heart of my focus.  It is discipline to keep your mind focused...it is a choice to focus on the good....and most of the time the choice is not easy...not even a little easy...but we must keep making that choice.  It can be as simple as welcoming the day...instead of dreading Monday...or the bigger challenge of finding a good quality in a person who annoys the crap out of you...but I've found finding that good thing and focusing can change my attitude about another person created and loved by God.  And finding the God in any situation is always praiseworthy.

Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2 NIV)

This is a passage I struggle with to be honest.  Mostly, I'm always looking for a definitive line...how much is too much...when have I conformed too much.  So I struggle with this balance...and I can go to extremes...although I'm not very good at the deprivation kind...I'm also not great with the flip side either...and it's sorta funny but I tend to define this by consumerism.  Although I know entertainment, pop culture, movies, music and so forth are also part of it.  Natalie Grant left the Grammy Awards ceremony because it made her uncomfortable.  Mandisa didn't even attend.  I watched a small portion of the show but turned it off...not rejecting it I guess...just not entertained by it.  Should a person only listen to Christian music or read theological books...There are certainly groups that go to extremes and cut themselves off from the world...is that what God intended?  I don't think so....in fact, I think he expressly wants us in the world showing his love to those we touch.  So...it comes back to seeking...spending time and leaning into God...listening to his quiet voice.  Also...not conforming doesn't make us better than others...it doesn't make us superior...I am coming more and more to the conclusion that our most important actions are loving others as God loved us.  We are failing miserably at sharing the amazing love of our God with the world.  Maybe if I concentrated on actively showing God's love I wouldn't have to worry about where to draw the line.  God help me transform my mind so that I honor you by loving your creation.  Amen

Romans 8:6

The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. (Romans 8:6 NIV)

I read this and it seems so simple and clear.  I find I wish I could live always with my mind governed by the Spirit.  It is so easy to get distracted by the trials going on in our lives and world.  And then at the same time...i feel simplistic in a  bad way to say it should be easy.   Life is hard...there are no end to the demands or the different directions those demands can come from...It can take so little to send us skittering off away from the truth...the life and peace of God.  Lord help my mind to be governed by your Spirit.  Amen.

Hebrews 4:12

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12 NIV)

I don't believe there there can be a more dynamic verse about the power of God's word.  It is our best connection to God -- to know Him and his desires...to know how we should surrender our lives...to shape and direct our paths...and to provide comfort and hope.  I am so convicted...the devotional material from Good Morning Girls for this passage was about how our quiet time with God is not the time to be multi-tasking....and as I'm reading that...I was painting my finger nails...Yep BUSTED.   God knows our hearts...but it is vital that we still our heart and mind  so that we can hear Him.  Lord, help me to be quiet in the midst of busy-ness...help me still my heart so that I can hear your voice.  Be my guide.  Lead me.  Amen

John 4:13, 14

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13, 14 NIV)

I'm pretty sure I would have just stood gapping at Jesus had he said this to me....or I'd have given him a polite but dismissive glance, muttered to myself about the crazy guy by the well and walked off.  And then probably entertained the ladies at the evening well draw with my story about an interaction with the nutcase by the well at noon...only later would I start to figure out I missed something once again in my haste.  Of course the woman at the well didn't have a group of women she told anecdotes too in  order to entertain...but I still marvel.  She came to the well empty...and was filled with life everlasting.  Do I know when to stop and listen?  One of my biggest buzz words is being "competent"....it sounds so mundane....but to be able to do things well drives me.  weird I know.  But...I think it boils down to the fact that I dread the idea of being found lacking...wanting...or maybe even thirsty.  The fact is...apart from Jesus -- I am incapable of being the person he made me to be...I can't do it on my own.  And that is really hard for me...and in a strange way it makes me angry.  At least I think that's what maybe is at the core of the anger I've been wrestling with....and part of that makes me very miserly in extending grace and love to others around me.  And that absolutely rocks me.  Because I know I'm not any good at hiding these feelings...so I am communicating this coldness. How dreadful...and frankly...how shameful.  I am parched inside...I need Jesus to fill me...and flow out from me.  That is the truth...and in someways...it's what I would call a Sunday school truth...it's the "church" answer.  It doesn't make it any less true...but we (or more to the point -- I) can dismiss the real work or the real change required by the truth of something we glibbly say.  And I think that's where this finds me...thirsty....

Lord,  It is your work, your grace, your love, your mercy that makes us yours.  Not by my actions or in actions...and you love me...as ugly as I feel... you love me even now.  Help me unclench...help me heal.  Amen.

Verses from John

I am the bread of life...I am the good shepherd....I am the way, the truth and the life....I am the vine...I am the light of the world.....

These clear statements...they must have rocked the disciples....Can you imagine hearing them for the first time...straight from Jesus's mouth?  Not only does he reveal his nature...he revealed what it would be like without him ....darkness, hunger, thirst, want, loneliness, loss and death...that is what he changed for us.  He rewrote our story.  Thank you Jesus.  Help me to seek you first, to turn to your voice and follow your path dearest Lord.  Amen.

Mark 1:35; Luke 5:16

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. (Mark 1:35 NIV)

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. (Luke 5:16 NIV)

Jesus shows us an example of discipline and how to find our guidance from God.  He got up early and focused on communing with God through prayer.  My prayer life doesn't mirror this example.  I look on this year as "the year where Kristi learns to be more disciplined"  It seems to be coming through as a message in so many different areas of my life.  Honestly -- and I blame this on being raised as a youngest child -- I really resent discipline...in fact if you want to cite me to rebellion....lay down the rules.  And it's usually really dumb rebellion...dumb as in it does me no good.  Lack of discipline in eating and exercise has got me to an unhealthy place...and lack of discipline in my walk with God will also get me to an unhealthy place.  I know I need to start rising early.....but oh is it going to require discipline.

Lord help me as I strive to be more disciplined.  Tame my rebellion.  Help me find the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other so that I may enjoy the fruits of the discipline of knowing you better.  Amen.

Philippians 3:14

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:14 NIV)

I press on.  Life and things we want to achieve aren't easy.  Somedays it is just work...but it is for the prize we continue to press on.  I didn't want to exercise Friday.  I didn't want to exercise Saturday.  I certainly didn't want to eat right....but the prize of feeling healthy, being flexible, having the energy to do  the things I want to do are important...and I can't just "have" that.  I have to work for it...by being disciplined.  And oh does my youngest child self want to rebel against anything like that...but the work will pay off.  

We don't have to work to earn God's love.  In fact...we can't.  But when I think about what He has done for us...how He loves us...how do you not respond to that love by demonstrating it to others?  I know I fail constantly...I am a work in progress...but with each "workout" I get stronger and better....and it leads me on toward the goal.

Ephesians 5:15-16

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. (Ephesians 5:15, 16 NIV)

Living carefully...it is so true that the days are evil.  I struggle with how to cope.  What movies/books/tv/music can I let the girls be exposed to...what can I let myself be exposed too...I try to go with a gut check...if it makes me feel icky...I stay away from it.  I struggle with being a "cool" mom...but not permissive...yet showing grace and mercy.  Yikes...the tightrope is so tricky...the balance so narrow.  I once heard Jesus described as living a life of perfect balance...Oh do I seek that balance.  How much do we enjoy the "fruits" of this world...at what point do we step over and become seduced.  Lord, let me hear your voice...and follow the narrow path you'd have me walk to bring Glory to Your name.  Amen

Psalms 90:12

Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom. (Psalms 90:12 NLT)

Life is short...so how does that help us grow in wisdom?  Okay..so I've been pondering this for a few minutes...and Bill keeps walking in and talking to me.  This is sorta frustrating because I'm trying to do my thing...and he keeps interupting...but at the same time, I feel like I should listen to him and talk with him about what he needs to talk about...so...life is short -- love the people around you.  I could snap at him because I'm trying to do my devotions...but then I miss the opportunity to show him love by listening to him and talking with him.  Am I wiser when I treasure moments with my family because I know time is fleeting?  I believe I am richer for it...maybe that also makes me wiser.  :)

Ephesians 5:1

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children

Mmm...that's short enough to be an easy memory verse. :)  But how do I have my heart memorize it.  Follow God's example?  This is sort of a cheat verse in my opinion because you need the rest of the thought and phrase...but if I had to fill in what I think God's example is...well...it's loving us enough to give up everything.  Seriously...is there much more to add to it?