Thursday, January 30, 2014

John 4:13, 14

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13, 14 NIV)

I'm pretty sure I would have just stood gapping at Jesus had he said this to me....or I'd have given him a polite but dismissive glance, muttered to myself about the crazy guy by the well and walked off.  And then probably entertained the ladies at the evening well draw with my story about an interaction with the nutcase by the well at noon...only later would I start to figure out I missed something once again in my haste.  Of course the woman at the well didn't have a group of women she told anecdotes too in  order to entertain...but I still marvel.  She came to the well empty...and was filled with life everlasting.  Do I know when to stop and listen?  One of my biggest buzz words is being "competent" sounds so mundane....but to be able to do things well drives me.  weird I know.  But...I think it boils down to the fact that I dread the idea of being found lacking...wanting...or maybe even thirsty.  The fact is...apart from Jesus -- I am incapable of being the person he made me to be...I can't do it on my own.  And that is really hard for me...and in a strange way it makes me angry.  At least I think that's what maybe is at the core of the anger I've been wrestling with....and part of that makes me very miserly in extending grace and love to others around me.  And that absolutely rocks me.  Because I know I'm not any good at hiding these I am communicating this coldness. How dreadful...and shameful.  I am parched inside...I need Jesus to fill me...and flow out from me.  That is the truth...and in's what I would call a Sunday school's the "church" answer.  It doesn't make it any less true...but we (or more to the point -- I) can dismiss the real work or the real change required by the truth of something we glibbly say.  And I think that's where this finds me...thirsty....

Lord,  It is your work, your grace, your love, your mercy that makes us yours.  Not by my actions or in actions...and you love ugly as I feel... you love me even now.  Help me me heal.  Amen.

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