Tuesday, November 19, 2013

2 Corinthians 4:15

All this is for your benefit.  And as God's grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.

There are a lot of things I want to write…and honestly, earlier yesterday afternoon, this would have been a whole different post.  You see…I wasn't feeling thankful.  Not in anyway shape or form.  I was in a snit…and just so you know…I'm being very kind to myself by just calling it a snit.  And I wrestled with what I would write.  Should I be honest???  But if I was totally honest…in all my ugliness…would that help anyone?  I'm not sure the details really would…in fact, because this is public and as I tell my girls…in writing is forever….it could at some point actually hurt someone.  And as much as I tell myself in the middle of my snit "that I don't care if it hurts someone else…they are hurting me"  I don't really believe that….although appealing to me to be the bigger person makes me want to jump and down and say, "NO! I want to be the small, petty, mean person who gets her way and then sleeps well at night!" (because I imagine the mean people must sleep well at night…it doesn't ever seem like the "good" people do)  Did I mention I was having a snit.  Um…yeah.  It was a heck of a snit.  It even veered into a pity party for po' lil ole me.  My perfect picture wasn't happening the way I thought would be perfect.  Instead it was being messy and all too human.  Ms. Martha Stewart wouldn't approve.

And after wrestling and wrangling and stewing and a little venting…I may finally be seeing the light at the end of my snit tunnel.  I was looking at the wrong picture.  I need to focus my eyes on God's picture…not Ms. Martha's.  "For our present troubles are small and won't last very long." and "For the things we see now will soon be gone…"  Maybe I can be a little thankful that the source of my snittiness (and yes that should be a word) will soon be gone.  And that maybe, I am growing just a little more into the person He designed me to be.  But holy cow…it is not easy.  THANK you God…that you are here for me…even in the midst of a snit…to show me once again for how much I have to be thankful.  Lord you are so kind and gentle to me, your child. thank you.

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