I don't feel generous. I don't feel joyful. I just feel despair. Oh and lots and lots of anger. Note to self...think long and hard before starting a study on thanksgiving next time. I hurt. I feel cornered...because I don't feel like any action I can take in a situation is going to be okay. And I'm angry because I feel that any action I take will make me look like the "bad person" I didn't create the situation. I didn't take the main actions...but I'm stuck. I don't know if I can be gracious enough to handle this. I'm mad. Other people involved have lied or said mean things or acted in ways that I don't think are right...and yet...it now boils down to what I do. How I act. How I respond. And I'm mad. I'm mad at the situation. I'm mad at the people involved. And I'm just plain mad. I'm mad at God -- I wish I didn't feel the way I do. I wish he hadn't made the way he did...that this situation hurts me so bad. Because at the bottom of mad is hurt. I feel abandoned. I feel like the people who should be defending me are the ones who put me in this no-win situation. I don't feel enriched. I feel betrayed. And I just feel like I'm wrong and failing and alone. So no. I don't feel gracious or generous of thankful.