2 Corinthians 9:11-12

Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God. So two good things will result from this ministry of giving—the needs of the believers in Jerusalem will be met, and they will joyfully express their thanks to God.

I don't feel generous. I don't feel joyful.  I just feel despair.  Oh and lots and lots of anger.  Note to self...think long and hard before starting a study on thanksgiving next time.  I hurt.  I feel cornered...because I don't feel like any action I can take in a situation is going to be okay.  And I'm angry because I feel that any action I take will make me look like the "bad person"  I didn't create the situation.  I didn't take the main actions...but I'm stuck.  I don't know if I can be gracious enough to handle this.  I'm mad.  Other people involved have lied or said mean things or acted in ways that I don't think are right...and yet...it now boils down to what I do. How I act.  How I respond.  And I'm mad.  I'm mad at the situation. I'm mad at the people involved.  And I'm just plain mad.  I'm mad at God -- I wish I didn't feel the way I do.  I wish he hadn't made the way he did...that this situation hurts me so bad.  Because at the bottom of mad is hurt.  I feel abandoned.  I feel like the people who should be defending me are the ones who put me in this no-win situation. I don't feel enriched.  I feel betrayed. And I just feel like I'm wrong and failing and alone.  So no.  I don't feel gracious or generous of thankful.