Sunday, December 1, 2013

2 Corinthians 4:18-19

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long.  Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen.  For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.  

So...I threw a temper tantrum.  A pretty good size one too.  Guess didn't get me anywhere. And here's what I really hate...teachable moments that come in the middle of a snit.  Really?  Sometimes I think God's sense of humor isn't all that funny.  In retrospect it kinda is...but again...Really?  Sigh.  I think this season for me has been about teaching me that the one person whose approval I should seek is God's.  And that the one person I can count on to not let me down is God.  Human's fail.  It's just the plain truth.  Too often I spend my heart time seeking human approval and human support.  Don't get me wrong.  I think being able to trust and care for others is important...and God given.  We are to live in a loving supporting community....but anytime we put seeking an earthly thing (be it support, love, worship, desire, approval) ahead of seeking those things from our's gonna be a problem.

Is the hurt and betrayal I was feeling real? Yep.  Were they from actions of other humans...Yep.  Did I need to surrender them?  Yep...big time.  Did I succeed?  I'm not sure -- we'll see next time this button get's pushed.'s the total truth...I didn't make it through without some sinning and hurting of others by myself. That admission is a little hard to take when I'm wanting to get all uppity on my self righteous moral high ground.  Ugh.  I forgot to focus on the things we cannot see...I forgot that these present troubles -- while real -- are small and won't last very long.  I forgot that my King forgave my way greater sins...because He loves me.  But He doesn't just love me...He loves each of us...where we are...even in the middle of ugly.  I believe this with all my heart and it overwhelms and humbles me.  I know He wants to protect and provide for each of us.  I sometimes hear that and think that it means that I have to always open myself up in ways that can lead me to be hurt by other humans.  I don't think that is what it means...but I'm still wrestling with it.  I'm wresting with how I can protect myself from those who don't have my best intentions at heart and still be faithful to God.  A counselor once told me it was "boundaries" that I had trouble setting.  I think that is still true. Somewhere along the line I picked up the idea that setting boundaries was against God's will.  I don't think that is true.  I think it may be a "false" teaching....but I don't know.  See, once upon a time, I had a person in my life who was extremely clever at perverting God's word to their own a game of win-lose...and guess who was on the losing  Maybe that is one of the tests we have to use...if there is a winner and a loser...maybe its best to walk away.  Clearly this is not something I can wrap up in a neat bow...its still a path I'm still walking and weeding....and it amazes me how deep and long some weeds'roots are and how they still can reach out and twist and mislead.  Well, I guess that's why it's important to spend time with the actual author and perfector of our faith.  All this from a temper tantrum.  Yep.  Oh Lord, please walk with me and teach me your ways. 

No comments:

Post a Comment